“Saying no to stress is often the best way to say yes to sanity and joy.”

 Have you ever had something happen “accidentally” that turns out to be a serendipity? That is, you found some unexpected value or agreement you were not expecting?

Looking at SWON on March 18 was the beginning of a serendipity for me.

In the middle of a hectic day at work on that date, I replied to a SWON post titled “Happy Social Work Month.” A colleague was requesting blog posts about our experiences as oncology social workers. Thinking I was replying directly to my colleague, I replied:

My Social Work Month has been the farthest thing from happy, I have to say.

Immediately after sending my reply, I realized that I had replied to ALL instead of only to my colleague. My reaction was, “Oh no…well, it is what it is.” I decided that another reply was necessary, so I followed my original post with a second:

Sorry guys, that was supposed to be a private reply, but one that I’m not sad went to the group. Isn’t it interesting how a time that we should be celebrated can be filled with more stressors that one should have?

What happened next was, well, amazing! Over the next few days, I received so many personal and a few public replies on SWON. I received incredible support. We are such a supportive community! What I didn’t expect was the number of replies from members expressing gratitude for the confirmation that you are not alone—gratitude for my “accidental vulnerability,” as one person stated.

Based on the feedback I received, it became clear to me that many of us are doing work we love, yet sometimes we are stressed out in the process. As rewarding as this work may be, it can also be incredibly difficult at times as we juggle competing demands, especially when you are the only OSW, a situation many of us are in. Another replied, “This work both drains me and fills me up.”

Something I had not given thought to but that emerged out of this experience is the degree to which I had been saying “yes” to the stress! The way I saw it, the stress I was feeling was inevitable. Then a non-medical person asked me, “Why do you have to deal with this situation?” I dismissed the question as coming from someone who “just didn’t understand,” and replied, “This is the kind of professional person I am. I am dealing with real people’s lives, thus I have to do this. If I don’t do it, who will? I’m the only OSW here.”

I was not trying to be a savior or toot my own horn. I’m realistic and had been setting boundaries with my team. What started to occur was the impact of macro level (institutional) burdens manifesting on the micro level in the lives of the patients I serve, especially the lives of poor, underserved, uninsured and underinsured individuals who often don’t have a voice and yet are continually victims of health care disparities that are institutionally reinforced. I had tried advocacy and even the preferred communication tools in my health system to elevate problems. I had sent numerous emails and brought many issues to the attention of our oncology administration. Nothing seemed to be working.

When I finally opened up to one of my OSW colleagues, she challenged me to go back to the same question posed by the non-medical person, adding that she agreed and pointing out that the question was valid. Suddenly, I was listening with different ears. My colleague validated my experiences and actively listened as I talked about the degree to which I’d been questioning whether or not the practices of my institution were aligned with my own personal and professional ethics. Then she helped me to reframe my experiences in the context of moral distress and its impact on me.

We talk about “self-care” all the time; however, we don’t often talk about those times when we’re so filled up with everything else that we’ve elected to skip taking care of ourselves in the midst of saying yes to the stress. I added a third post that read, in part:

There have been so many posts about the distress screening we do for our patients; however, many of us are feeling our own distress. Even leaders aren’t immune to this.

Then I received another reply,

“Saying no to stress is often the best way to say yes to sanity and joy. Hoping you have some ‘no’ opportunities coming up soon.”

As I have been challenged, I would like to challenge you to consider:

• Using your professional networks, even when you think no one will understand.
• Taking the time to acknowledge your stress. Solutions will vary but action is required.
• AOSW is a community ready and willing to support you.

The truth is that there are probably more opportunities to say “no” to stress than we realize. With a little help from my colleagues, I’m now saying “yes” to the sanity within me and experiencing more joy. I learned that I need to listen to good advice, even when it comes from unexpected places! My hope in sharing this experience is that it will inspire you to do the same. I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir, but hearing an “old” song is sometimes needed.